dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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