in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
