you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
