i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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