Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize