nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
