Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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