i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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