We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
