can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You are the jesus of drinking
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
