You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
