i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
