its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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