Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize