Christians are straight up FREAKS
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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