After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
