just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
