I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
