Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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