Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
