I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
In other news, I just burned my penis
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I am naked and annoyed.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
