you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
