my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
