I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
