so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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