If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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