my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
