So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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