So drunk its hurt
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
