The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
