the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize