I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
