im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
