is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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