Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
