it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
