just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
