he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize