I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
