More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
