last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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