areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
