We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
be right there i have to get my cape
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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