There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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