I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
