this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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