Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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