were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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