I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
