I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize