I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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