you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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