Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize