I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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