Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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