Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
organizing the empties. That sober.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
