just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
if only i could text you this smell
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
