I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize