I love black thongs
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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