Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
