people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
