Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize