about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
