i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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