nut hugger
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize