i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just pee around me
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
