i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
