My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize