We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
