One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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