it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
