Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
