Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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