I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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