Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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