Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Randomize
