So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
