I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
