My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
