the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
