I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize