these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
