I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
