Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
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