i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
