I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
