Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize