My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
