If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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