i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
