Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
