just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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