also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
