girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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