just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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