she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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