We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
