I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
