I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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