i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
