When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
