I can tuck mytits in my pants
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
