I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
