I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
