can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize