i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
