i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
